My Brother

Moved down to Mississippi and am living with my brother trying to get on my feet. I haven't hung out with my brother in over 30 years. We somehow lost touch with each other. I...moving to Alabama...and he going on his way doing his own things.

We used to be close....years and I mean years ago. He used to be close to all my siblings at one time. But now, things changed, people changed. But my brother is STILL the same person that I knew all those years ago. He just went thru a period of time getting lost. But now....he has come full circle and is the person that I knew, back in the day.

Mom never gave up on him. I had him move to Alabama, trying to help him. But I couldn't. And I could never understand. He would never let me get close. But...I never gave up on him. I'd listen, but was soo confused.

Now coming to Mississippi, my first two weeks, I challenged him. Called him out. Vented pent up feelings of confusion. And my brother still continued walking the same 'calm' walk. My brother opened my eyes to alot of things. And little by little, day by day, he began to open up to me, like he did when we were oh so much younger.

A couple of my siblings chose not to give up on him. Some, teetered. And others blatantly have issues with him. Not willing to listen, nor give him a chance.

I was meant to come to Mississippi. And I am glad that I am here.

My bonding with my brother has helped me to see things within myself. To look at alot of things differently.

All these years, some of my family had given up on my brother. But my brother never gave up on us.

And I'm glad he never gave up on me... He let me vent, yell, cuss and fuss. And yet he stood back and allowed me to go through all my emotions. I love my brother!

Maybe someday, all the rest of my family will feel the same way.

My eyes are opening up.

After moving back down to the South. I'm finally trying to settle in. I've gone from bouts of happiness, confusion, frustration, depression, and am finally understanding that I have been going thru a filtering stage.

Filtering of all my pent up emotions. Finally understanding a little bit more about me.

It took me years to become who I and how I am. But now, I realize that 'I can work thru this'.

And I am truly grateful to a friend of mine that has listen to my ranting. Thank you Maggie Beth for being there. :-)

Tomorrow is going to be a good day!

Enough!

Gotta put my big panties on and quick questioning myself in so many areas.

Today is a New Day!

Take the first steps....

Here I go!

Pondering...

Seriously wondering....what is true and real.....

Ugghh!!!

I started a post Friday.

Today I finished the post.

Tried to publish post.

LOST IT ALL!!!!

Tried to remember everything I wrote and Re-post.

LOST THAT TOO!!!

Damn it!!!!!

I'm still here!

I turned in my key on Friday and said my good-bye's to the people in the office at work.

I also was babysitting for my granddaughter Friday. She is 1 year and 5 months old. Okay..so I give my self an excuse. I was babysitting. Therefore I will pack Saturday.

Saturday if felt 'Wonderful' to have slept 7 hours!!! WooHoo!!! I get up and throw in 2 loads of laundry and then at lunch, poured me a glass of wine, then two...then I sat my ass down and started watching a movie on TV. Then my son and both granddaughters come home, from running around doing there thing. It's around 4:30pm I order Pizza and 'boom'....sit around, hitting on FB and also restarted my blog again. Watch a movie with my son and granddaughter, have a glass of wine (oh..and this is total of 3 glasses, just to let you know I didn't continually drink since lunch)

Look at the clock, it is now 10:15pm. I figure...Oh Hell...I'll pack tomorrow.

Sunday comes, I go to Church. Go grocery shopping to fill the fridge for a week of groceries. A 'perk' I'm giving my Son, since he will be taking over house notes. I want him to start out fresh with no bills, no worries.

I come home and take another stab at laundry. I have lunch, cooked steaks on the grill, have my two glasses of wine. Hit FB. then go to drop off a birthday present to my Godson/Newphew and say good-bye to my sister Jude and her kids. Then I go to my Mom's to tell her good-bye and I am home at 8:30pm. Watch TV with my Son and Granddaughter and it gets 10:45pm. So I go to bed.

IT IS MONDAY!!!! PEOPLE!!!! I HAVEN'T DONE A F'KING THING!!!! Now I am pissed at myself!!! I'm suppose to be down South already!!! I know..I know...what's the hurry right? Well my brother wanted me to help him with a project on Wednesday he wanted to introduce me to some people to help me in my transition of finding work.

I HAVE GOT TO LEAVE TODAY!!! But I'm already making excuses... I've got 'worlds of shit' to do. Why can't I get it together? Am I THAT DEPRESSED???

So, off I go....

I'm...Baaack!!!! :-)

Got a divorce, and moved back to Michigan. Thinking and feeling the urge that I needed to come home. My son is doing fine. My grandchildren are doing fine. My sister's are doing fine. So why am I here? Don't get me wrong. It was Great seeing everyone. I am glad that I was here when my mother went thru her triple by-pass surgery. But I'm finding that everyone's lives are going like they should. I got a job, that slung the 'Dog shit' out of me.

Maybe...I'm not ready to be back home to Michigan yet.

So...here...I...go....back down South. To the bright sunny skies. To the hot humidity, that I've missed...since as of today...it's been COLD here in Michigan.

Left my secure paycheck with Blue Cross and Blue Shield benefits.

Lord only knows what this new Chapter of my Life will bring. ;-)

And hoping that you girls (my blogger buddies) see that I re-surfaced! :-)

Love all of you!!!

I have come to know each and everyone of you! And am soo glad you guys are in my life!